I was due for a scan yesterday but my insurance company won’t cover the one my oncologist ordered, preferring an mri instead. And because there is concern over how I react to intravenous contrast, my team have entered into global peace talks apparently so mri has yet to be scheduled. Not worried.
My challenge:During the process of rescheduling appointments, I accidentally found out that my oncologist was leaving. The office has not sent out the official announcement but a nurse didn’t realize that and spilled the beans. I am naturally upset.
Dr. A. is my third oncologis since 2012. I fired number 1 because he yelled at me when I asked him about an herb and he downplayed why my right leg was suddenly going lame. Total asshat. Unworthy.
I did well with number 2 as long as I was in remission but once I got to stage 4, he gave up hope altogether and he thought I should know it. Asshat. Unworthy of the road ahead.
Dr. A…..gave me hope. Even last week, when I was sure my pain indicated an out of control situation, she sat with me as I cried and told me she didn’t think the cancer was ” out of control” and that she still could help me even if it was spreading.
Dr.’s 1 would call me a crybaby and #2 would tell me to go home and take care of my affairs. A good oncologist really makes a differance.
So here I am, waiting to go see Dr. A. later today to talk about what is next for me and where the heck she is going! If to another local hospital then I’m following her. If not ( she is from Iceland so she may be returning home), I still need to re- evaluate this hospitals oncology department and decide if heading to Mayo might not be best. For folks outside the U.S. , Mayo is a huge, advanced research hospital where people from all over come for answers. I have to petition insurance to go there. The last choice is even harder…can I forgo treatment altogether and just use natural methods? Thats a huge fear for me. At this time, no choice seems ideal.
I feel very vulnerable and won’t decide anything impulsively. Once my scan results come in, I will have better information to go on. But it will be without the compassionate, hopeful care of Dr. A. She assured that the replacement was good. But “good” can mean well trained with no compassion.
This feels like a divorce.