The rest of Day 2 of my Facebook fast went well. I knit more of the ribbing on the cardigan I started. The yarn is from an alpaca I once owned who I named Kosmic Shiva, mixed in with some other alpaca fleece I was given from a rancher. Shiva is in a new home but has a lovely soft fiber that a local mill cleaned, carded and spun into fingering weight for me. They kept 2/3rds of the yarn and gave me my share. I’m thrilled! Unfortunately , my Dolly Lama’s fleece was unworkable as it was too short so I have nothing to remember him by besides memories. I think of him often actually.
At any rate, I’m actually happy to not be on that social network. I was hating it and now I realize how deeply that went.
The palliative care appointment might well be the best thing to happen to me. The nurse practitioner I met with is going to try me on a new pain killer that she feels might be better because of how sleepy my current one is making me. Her goal is to give me back a semblance of a quality life- one that is active and well adjusted. I’m obviously on board with that.
In the meantime, I am returning to UW Madisons cancer center for another second opinion so I am on hiatus from treatment until then. The direct radiation to my large livertumor worked…the tumor is dead. The other one on the left lobe is stable which is good. However my lymph is quite enlarged and as per usual, nothing invasive is possible without serious risk, if at all. I no longer believe that.
Infact it disturbs me because half the stage 4 Colon Cancer patients with similar cases to mine that I have spoken to have this crazy idea….they can shrink things down then do surgery for the rest. This goal makes the torture of chemo tolerable…its part of a long game, not an end all. I don’t have that sense of possibility because, well…..thats what I’m going to find out- why?I’m not a rare case, nor is my cancer the scary genetic type. Just run of the mill stuff here.
So far my lung tumor was too dangerous to biopsy, my liver tumor too close to the pancreas to tinker with and now my lymph also is too close to something or other. ….. So off to Madison we go.